You think wearing a leather jacket makes me a murderer? Well thanks for sharing that, Mandy, but I don’t give a flying poo emoji what you think about my outfit and how did you enjoy your steak last night?
Oh you liked it better when my hair was longer? Well, I liked it better when you shut your food hole, but here we are.
You think g-strings are comfortable? Well you’re a freaking masochist and I don’t need to know about your underwear, John.
My mother once told me that opinions are like bums; everyone’s got one.
And just like bums – well most people’s bums – when it comes to opinions, no one cares about yours.
…said no one, ever.
When someone is on a right royal talk-back-radio-shock-jock level rant about something, do you think sharing your opinion is going to change their mind? Do you think they actually care what you think? Has anyone ever actually asked anyone else for their opinion and genuinely meant it?
If you feel like having an argument, go ahead, share your thoughts. But if you’d rather keep the peace, and go to bed that night feeling smug and thinking, ‘Carol is such a wang, as if BBQ flavoured chips are better than salt and vinegar’ – shut up, Carol, you’re drunk – then keep your opinions to yourself.
I came to this realisation when I was listening to a friend pontificate to some other friends about the importance of breast-feeding. As a non-breeder, I was really only half listening, but as most of my pals had major troubles breast-feeding and this friend had not – I don’t think her sermon to people who had tried every trick in the book was particularly productive or helpful in any way shape or form.
In fact, it was hurtful and just a waste of time that could have been better spent drinking pink wine, making bitchy comments about other people’s outfits, and me telling everyone about my hot podiatrist. Yeah, they exist and yes, I can give you the name of the clinic where the lovely Joel works.
So next time someone says to you, ‘well, in my opinion…’, resist the temptation to respond with anything other than a ‘hmmmmm’. While they are wrong-wrongity-wrong that banana lollies are nice, Kylie Minogue is shit, and gingers are ugly – they don’t care what you think or that you are right. So leave them be, because it’s all well and good to stridently declare ‘it’s my opinion’ and be proud of voicing it and stirring the pot, but this is not 2002 and you are not an early-naughties reality TV contestant.
*Yes, I do realise in writing this that I’ve shared my opinion, but you are quite within your right to not read and if you do, you can also tell me you don’t care.
It's Claire as mud 