It might be hip to be square, but it seems to be even hipper to wear a tutu with an Abraham Lincoln hat and Dunlop Volleys at the moment and read Jack Kerouac, while riding a fixie, smoking a pipe and taking photos on your vintage Polaroid.
Oooh, Bondi Hipsters, I love-hate you.
Yep, this is how hipsters dress and behave. Maybe I’d save myself a lot of time in the morning if I just went over to my Mum’s place, pulled out the ol’ dress-up box (weren’t they the best?!), dump the contents on the floor and roll around in it for a while and just wear whatever I come out in.
Maybe if I wore paisley palazzo pants, with a turban, a brocade vest, giant smoke effect glasses with jelly sandals to work every day I would have a totally cool job like creative director for a lifestyle agency, copywriting ninja (I am not joking, I have seen the business card) or queen of the wankers. Instead, I am currently wearing a jacket, dress and court shoes and wishing I had a split TV screen so I can watch My Kitchen Sucks and Masterchef Egomaniacs, I mean Professionals, at the same time instead of drafting up a terribly exciting media statement on parasitic worms – sexay!
Okay, she’s adorable, but why is she wearing ears?!
I mean really. You cannot have a normal job if you wear stuff like this or if a hat is part of your daily wear and you’re not a park ranger, construction worker or Village Person.
Hats aren’t even the worst of it… those little cat ears on headbands. What is that about? Is everyone going to an animal costume party and I’m not invited?! Nofair!! I have a bee costume leftover from Halloween that I’m dying to wear.
My bee costume… as if that’s not more adorable than cat ears. It even has a fat tummy to hide my food bebe.
Did any of you see the episode of Happy Endings, where the hilarious Penny mistakenly got into a relationship with a hipster? I say mistakenly, because he picked her up in the Laundromat (do they even exist in the real world anymore? Or is it just in sitcom narratives?) in her laundry day outfit thinking that was the way she normally dressed – ie like a hobo, without a dog on a string. See, apparently that’s attractive to hipsters. What the what?
Oh Penny… you’re one dog on a string away from being a hobo.
Maybe I’m just getting old, but I do not get how young people dress today. I’m definitely getting old, because I’m about to sound like a great aunt or a granny, but why don’t young people want to look nice anymore?
Yes, I have shallow tendencies, but I would imagine most people agree with me when I say that if you look nice, you feel nice. I’m not saying that life isn’t worth living if you don’t look like Miranda Kerr, but a bit of effort, brushed hair, a slick of lippie – I’m not here to judge, the fellas can go for it too – makes you feel so much better. Maybe this is why hipsters don’t like much. They’re in a terrible funk, because they smell so funky and look like they got caught in a tornado at St Vinnie’s.
What I find funny about hipsters is that they would never admit they were a hipster… they just have subversive interests and have always had a passion for ant farms in vintage terrariums and crocheting underpants.
I swear hipsters are taking over the world and I think there are so many of them now, that they’re not even cool anymore.
I’m the cool one… yep, me in my Target dress, with my Sportscraft handbag and Cancer Council sunglasses. I don’t use Instagram and I listened to Rick James, non-ironically, on my walk into work this morning. Yeah, suck it hipsters. Your days are over. Me and my mainstream buddies are going to ride our geared pushbikes, in our polished shoes, listening to MP3s right over the top of your bootlegged vinyl, jump up and down on your Dr Zhivago hats and make you dance around our handbags to Kylie Minogue. So there. Hipster revolution OVAH!
I am so playing this next time I go to the West End markets!
** Apologies for all the pics, but hipsters offer rich pickings when it comes to visuals and I cut down as much as I could!
It's Claire as mud 